At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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