Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
