um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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