I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
