I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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