Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
