Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
