omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
