How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
