So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
