We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
