It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
