do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize