Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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