I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So many bounce houses so little time
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
