My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize