and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
