You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
