I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
