I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
