Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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