I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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