Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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