it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
