I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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