I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize