i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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