there was a trapeze. enough said
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
