My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Randomize
