I got chris browned last night
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
