does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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