I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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