sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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