I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
