got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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