TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
