Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
