In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
