# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
