Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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