I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
