I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
