I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
