just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
