Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
