my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
