It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
