i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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