Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize