i need an iv and a liver transplant
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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