Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
