did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
