you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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