i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
