if i can run in heels then i can drive
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
