Please, let me fuck your mom
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
