Someone shit on the floor
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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