Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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