Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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