just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
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