am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
