Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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