You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
