If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
