So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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