Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
