I just pynch a tree in the face
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
What drink are we having for lunch?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
