i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
