Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
