you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
