you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
