Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
