YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize