The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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