what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
