Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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